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They say that, when it comes to writing, it helps for people to pen what they know.
Well, out musician Tom Goss has certainly done that. On his latest album, Remember What It Feels Like, Goss has included “Not My Problem”—a song about a true-life five-year relationship with an Englishman who turned out to be a con man who’s now in prison. (The accompanying music video stars drag queen Meatball as an overly amorous prison guard.) Goss will likely perform that song and many others when he sings in Chicago on Friday, June 7.
![Tom Goss. Photo by Austin Wondolowski/Wondo Photo](https://i0.wp.com/windycitytimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Tom-Goss.-Photo-by-Austin-Wondolowski_Wondo-Photo-3.jpg?resize=682%2C1024&ssl=1)
Recently, Goss talked with Windy City Times about the song, that ex, queerness and his musical evolution. (He was in Spain at the time, prompting him to quip that he’s “in the future.”)
NOTE: This conversation was edited for clarity and length.
Windy City Times: For those who haven’t heard your music, how would you describe it?
Tom Goss: I would say it’s typically uptempo, joyful, acoustic power-pop.
WCT: And that definitely carries over into “Not My Problem,” which surprised me, given its content. It’s almost like “I Will Survive,” in a way.
TG: Yeah! I like that. It’s a fuck-you anthem, a break-up anthem. It’s a self-empowerment anthem.
WCT: And what were the circumstances that led to this song?
TG: I dated this guy for five years and he wasn’t who he said he was—and he’s in jail now.
WCT: I thought it was interesting when I read that he still sends you letters—and that you keep them. Why do you keep them?
TG: Well, I feel like my job, as an artist, is to reflect on and convey emotions that many people are afraid to express. And anything that is fodder for that is valuable to me.
WCT: So you’ve read them?
TG: No! [Laughs] I read the first one. I wrote a screenplay about the situation. In the middle of writing the screenplay, I got stuck. I went to bed thinking, “I’ll figure it out in the morning. Who knows?” When I woke up in the morning, his first letter came. I thought, “This is gold” because it filled in some of the gaps I wasn’t familiar with. So I read that one. Then, when I was making this video, one came in the mail and I thought it would be funny—and it was pretty funny. I mayhave made a video of me reading it with a very bad British accent as a piece of performance art for my close friends.
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It’s a very interesting thing because he was a very manipulative person. And when we think of manipulative con men, we think of people who are sneaky or even aggressive. He was none of those things; he manipulated through sympathy. So the letter was pretty interesting to read. It was, like [with a British accent], “Oh, my gosh. It’s not very nice here.” No, shit! You’re in prison. The song was written in the voice that I’ve become so familiar with, in which the person is the victim of everything.
WCT: Have you ever thought about visiting him?
TG: No, no. It’s not of interest to me. The interesting thing about having something like this happen to you is the idea that there is a reality. As humans, we spend a lot of time trying to figure out why something happened, right? But none of it ultimately matters; there is no knowing or resolution. I give myself that resolution. I don’t spend thousands of dollars to visit some asshole in prison to give me more questions. Ultimately, I’m not going to believe anything this person says. There is no truth.
WCT: The music video is very fun. How did Meatball become a part of it?
TG: The video was directed by my good friend and constant collaborator Michael Serrato, and we were saying how we should get a really fun drag queen to play the prison guard—and both of us said, “It’s Meatball.” There was nobody else and we had no backup plan. And it was interesting to see Meatball as [former U.S. Congressman] George Santos [as a side act] as well; I’d work with her in a heartbeat.
WCT: The album title sounds like advice for us and yourself.
TG: It’s interesting because it kinda is. I think it’s important to remember what things feel like. You can let feelings move through you, and I think it’s important to remember the good, bad and sad—but I think it’s even more important to not let those feelings dictate who you are. We all have a choice to be whoever we want to be, and I think the record speaks to that.
WCT: This is your ninth album. How do you think your music has evolved over the years?
TG: It’s evolved a lot. I’ve done so many kinds of music. The [previous] record was dark, moody, ambient and provocative; that came out right before the pandemic. Then the pandemic came and people were, like, “Who cares?” What I realized during the pandemic is that I have always been really good at making people laugh, uplifting people and making them feel better about themselves.
I think that, in the past, I was really trying to prove [things] to people, like, “I can do this kind of music or I’m serious in this way.” But in the past couple years, I’ve been, like, “Just lean into your strengths, whether it’s joy, brilliance.” If I have the power to make people feel things, why wouldn’t I use that power to make people feel joy?
WCT: If you could collaborate with anyone, living or dead, who would that person be?
TG: Childish Gambino… I just think that everything he does is so different, and he’s not confined by any genre or format. He’ll release something like [the song] “Redbone” and then make a television show or some small indie project that no one sees. I feel like when I see him, he’s being authentic—and so much of the entertainment industry is about creating a facade, which I don’t like. I was obsessed with his first record; he was gangster-rapping about being a nerd. Then I realized he was the same guy I loved on the show Community [as Donald Glover].
WCT: I’ve asked several people this question but, for you, what is it like to be part of the queer community in today’s America?
TG: I don’t believe I can speak about this without crying. I’m just going to say that it’s amazing to be part of a community that’s been so overlooked and so invisible for so long. To be a part of these people who are shining brighter than anyone else and to see the resilience… I would say the same thing about minorities, right? It’s amazing to see how this brilliance shines out of you when all odds are against you. I’m constantly inspired by that. I find boy/girl stories so boring. What the fuck did you have to overcome? No one tried to burn your house down.
To exist in a society that hates you and to redefine how you see the world, how you see love, and build family and community? That’s amazing.
I’m actually working on a new record and I’ve written a song called “Joan of Arc.” I was thinking about the oldest religious figure I knew who was trans. So I wrote this historical song about people in history who are hugely religious—and re-defined them as trans. And some people [ask], “Well, do you know if she was trans?” I’m, like, “No—but I don’t care because history has been erasing us for so many fucking centuries. I can rewrite us into history.” And that’s how I feel about my community. We’ve always been at the forefront of progress, compassion, art, family and community—and I feel so grateful that I exist at a time when I can scream that from the rooftops.
Tom Goss will be performing at Jarvis Square Tavern, 1502 W. Jarvis Ave., on Friday, June 7, 8-10:30 p.m., with Scott Free. For more information, visit this link.
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